Thursday, December 5, 2013


I went through a phase in my life where I claimed to be an introvert.  During my late high school and early college days, I deeply cherished the long walks I would take in solitude through the woods, the trips wandering the mall with nary but my own company, window shopping and browsing through used books.  I have always been highly introspective, so I convinced myself that I was, deep down, an innie.
Admittedly, my false assessment might have been due to social desirability.
I have since found my delusion of personal introversion to be entirely false.  I am an extrovert, through and through.  (I like the sound of my voice, but I like knowing others are receiving those sounds waves even more).  Because of my extroversion, I find my mood, my motivation, myself, really, wilting. I simply don't have enough daily socialization, and I am pretty sure that Greta's beginning to feel smothered by my constant attempts for attention and validation.  (After awhile, my jokes really miss the mark).
(I'm going heavy on the symbolism, here).
I had no idea post-graduate life would throw this at me: I've never had a problem making friends anywhere and, perhaps because of this, I often cherished my reclusive days with Buffy, Dark Shadows, or even the random YouTube doc.  What I took for granted about those times, though, was that I lived on a campus overflowing with people.  Even on the occasional Saturday where I hardly left my room, I could still knock on Lorelle's door, I could still hear the voices and laughter of my floor-mates.  Even the co-ed frat's weird chanting and howling reverberating outside of Heffron Hall somehow fed my need for community.

Everything is different now.  I desperately need more regular human contact in my life.  I can't enjoy my alone time because there's too damn much of it.  I like work, but it doesn't exactly meet these needs.  (The most eventful happening at work tonight was the toilet overflowing). 

I want to be the girl who stepped off of a plane from Europe three months ago, the girl who had taken on the world and was ready to change every corner of her life for the better. 
Senior dance, last winter.  I miss my college friends like nobody's business.
Alright.  Tonight's bitch-fest is over.  In spite of my general discouragement, I enjoy all three of my jobs (I just started as a homeschool tutor; booyah for unconventional education!) and I have made some new friends.  I simply need to find balance so that I get enough of my social needs met that my alone time is worthwhile and enjoyable rather than unproductive and something I dread.  Hopefully this blog post will compel me to stick to this resolution.

1 comment:

  1. Are you sure you're an extrovert? Lol.

    Alone time with Buffy is to be cherished, no matter what social time rations one's personality type dictates.